Kabanata 4 - Shanara Technological Institute (S.T.I.) for Higher Learning

Ngayun naman ay ating suriin ang "dossier" na natanggap ng ating limang magagandang tigapagligtas sa kanilang unang araw ng pagsasanay bilang mga bagong mandirigma ng Shanara.

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Welcome to the Shanara Technological Institute for Higher Learning (STI-HL), Makati, Metro Manila, Luzon, Philippines, Southeast Asia, Asia, Earth, Inner Quad Orbit, Un-named Solar System, Milky Way, Universe, Dimension: ZZ-123456-78-9-87-654321-AA.

It is with great honor and pride that I now formally inform you that you are a part of the most illustrious Talent Development Agency in the whole multiverse: The Shanara Inter-galactic Agency (SIGA).

The roster of professors who will hone your skills have been expanded as a result of the plea-bargain agreement between S.I.G.A. And the United Grand Associtaion of Democratic Armies (U-GANDA) via the Inter-stellar Non-discriminating Educational Employment Treaty of the 23rd solar cycle of Kembotswana, year 123-45678-9-87654-321, held on the mentioned planet, in the bi-solar system of Etchos - Kimbo galaxy (or 14th day of November 2004 in Terran/Earth time) .

The list of professors and staff now includes local Sharamdarams, Extanoians, Terrans (Rahe-raharians) and Shanarians.

It is expected that you will show the utmost courtesy to all the training center's instructors and staff - regardless of their planetary origin. Strict disciplinary action against those who will not adhere to this request shall be implemented.

At the end of the 7-day training program, a test shall be conducted by MS. CARMELO (a.k.a. KAAGAPAY in Shanarian form) and yours truly.

Please be advised that if you will not pass this test, the "Blue Dayan Pill" will be administered to you. We shall contact you again after 2 years for another training. It is important to take note that after taking the mentioned "cerebral pattern re-marker", you shall not have any memory of everything that has happened to you since the time you have been informed of being a Shanarian. This cycle will continue until you pass or until you eventually expire in either a plain or agonizing death.

Like any other learning institution, we have a FEW rules to adhere to. The following are additions to the 54,321-page rule book that comes with this dossier:

1. You are not allowed to go outside the premises during the 7-day training. You will notice that all your cellphones and pagers do not have any signal as all RF coming in and out of the complex have been dampened for security purposes.
   
2. If you are going to use the pool (23rd Floor), please remove your make-up, false-eyelashes, silicone bra pads and butt-enhancing foams for hygienic purposes.


3. Necking, pecking, sexual intercourse and masturbation (of yourself or others) is strictly prohibited in public areas (especially in the gym restrooms). Condoms and "KY Jelly Quickie Packs" are available, for free, next to the coffee machine in the cafeteria. Please do not take more than you are actually going to use.


4. A complimentary beauty salon and spa is available, for your relaxation, behind the "underwater fight simulation tank". This will be open from 6:00pm until midnight everyday.


5. An addition to our list of complimentary recreational area is our newly built in-hous GAYBAR (in front of the Shanara Chapel, 24 floor). This state-of the art facility is open 24/7. Please do not give the macho-dancers and male GRO's any tip since they are already receiving enough compensation from the learning center. A maximum of two cases of beer is allowed to be consumed per person each day. PLEASE DRINK MODERATELY.


6. As our clinic is currently under-staffed, please refrain from getting into any accidents outside of the clinic's open hours (11:30 pm to 1:00am).


7. Please also be advised that our Chief Security Personnel , Ms. Copuyoc (a.k.a. BANTAY), is semi-omnipotent (he/she knows everything that is happening within a range of 5 yards), therefore, he/she will be informed of any form of misdemeanor for he/she constantly walks around the premises for "scanning".

Attached is your schedule and a map of the vicinity. We hope that you will enjoy your stay and congratulations for making it this far. May the Goddess be with you ... and also with me.

Cordially,

MAMA LAKBAY

Matriarchal Majestrix (Mama): Shanara Imperium

Commander-in-Chief: SIGA Headmaster: STI-HL

Note: This letter as well as all instructional materials that will be handed to you during your training are printed on non-transferable-non-photographable-hyper-bio-degradable paper. All these materials will disintegrate after 6 days and cannot be copied in any "Terran / Rahe-Rahan" means.

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SCHEDULE FOR CLASS 2005 BLOCK ALPHA

DAY 1

• 8:00am - 10:00am : Dormitory assignment




• MS. CARMELO (a.k.a. KAAGAPAY - Shanara)


• Location: Information Booth




• 10:00am - 11:30am : Welcome to Shanara Technological Institute with MAMA LAKBAY




• Location: Shanara Hall of Fame




• 11:30am - 1:00pm : Lunch Break


• 1:00pm - 2:00pm : Identification Card Processing




• with MS. CARMELO (a.k.a. KAAGAPAY - Shanara)


• Location: Information Booth




• 1:00pm -5:30pm : Costume Design




• George Ishmael (a.k.a. SULSI - Shanara)


• Room 2-1

DAY 2

• 8:00am - 11:30am : I am What I Am (Shanara History 101)
  
  
  
  • Ms. Vilma (a.k.a. ALL SEASONS - Sharamdara
  
  
  • Room 1-2
  
  
  
  
• 11:30am - 1:00pm : Lunch Break


• 1:00pm - 5:30pm : Shine Like a Star (How to be a Hero 101)




• Ms. Nora (a.k.a. SUPER - Sharamdara)


• Room 1-3

DAY 3

• 8:00am - 11:30am : Wind Beneath My Wings (Hero Support 101)




• Ms. Shawi (a.k.a. MEGA - Sharamdara)


• Room 2-2




• 11:30am - 1:00pm : Lunch Break


• 1:00pm - 2:00pm : Battle Costume Pick-up and Fitting




• George Ishmael (a.k.a. SULSI - Shanara)


• Room 2-1




• 2:00pm - 3:00pm : Karma Chameleon 1 (Express Costume Change 101)




• George Ishmael (a.k.a. SULSI - Shanara)


• Room 2-1




• 3:00pm - 5:30pm : Karma Chameleon 2 (Basic Concealment Methodologies 101)




• Mother Ricky R. (a.k.a. MARIKIT - Shanara)


• Room 2-3

DAY 4

• 8:00am - 11:30am : I'm Bad (Villain Psychology 101)




• Ms. Cherrie Gil (a.k.a. COPYCAT - Sharamdara)


• Room 3-1




• 11:30am - 1:00pm : Lunch Break


• 1:00pm - 5:30pm : Hit Me Baby One More Time (Power Test & Screen Name Assignment)




• Ms. Maricel (a.k.a DIAMOND - Sharamdara)


• Room 3-2

DAY 5

• 8:00am - 11:30pm : I Will Survive (Survival Guide 101)




• Ms. Summer (a.k.a. BLACK OUT - Sharamdara)


• Shanara Gym 1




• 11:30am - 1:00pm : Lunch Break


• 1:00pm - 5:30pm : Die Another Day (Combat Tactics 101)




• Ms. Madonna (a.k.a. ULTIMATE DIVA - Sharamdara)


• Shanara Gym 2

DAY 6

• 8:00am - 11:30am : Survivor (Group Combat Tactics 101 & Permanent Group Assignment)




• Ms. Kelly, Ms. Beyonce, Ms. Michelle (a.k.a. DC3 - Sharamdara)


• Shanara Gym 3




• 11:30am - 1:00pm : Lunch Break


• 1:00pm - 5:30pm : What a Feeling (Advanced Group Combat Tactics & Fight Choreography 101)




• Ms. Douglas N. (a.k.a. INDAK- Shanara),


• Ms. G. Eugenio (a.k.a. S.O.P. - Sharamdara),


• Ms. M. Bitchara (a.k.a. V.I.P. - Sharamdara) &


• Ms. J. Cancio (a.k.a. X BOMB - Sharamdara)


• Shanara Gym 4

DAY 7

• T.B.A. - Personal Combat Test


• T.B.A. - Group Combat Test


• 11:30am - 1:00pm - Lunch Break


• T.B.A. - Mission Briefing


• 7:30pm onwards - Rave Party at Shanara Gym 1

If you have any doubts about your schedule, please do not hesitate to read this document over and over and over again.

MAMA LAKBAY

Matriarchal Majestrix (Mama): Shanara Imperium

Commander-in-Chief: SIGA

Headmistress: STI-HL

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 -=-INTERLUDE-=-

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Sa gitna ng masukal na kagubatan ay nabasag ang katahimikan ng dapithapon dahil sa malakas na pagtunog ng aking telepono.

Matapos ng una nitong tunog ay kagyat ko itong sinagot.

"Salamat sa pag tawag."

"Magandang gabi po. Nandito na po sila. Nagsisimula na po sila ..." ang bungad ng nasa kabilang linya ngunit agad ko itong pinutol ng aking sagot:

"Alam ko."

"Opo. May gagawin pong modification si ..."

"Alam ko ang gagawin sa kanila."

"Opo. Gusto n'yo po bang ..."

"Hindi na kailangan."

"Opo, naiitindihan ko po. Tumawag lang ako para ..."

"Alam ko, maraming salamat at tapat ka sa ating kasunduan. Putulin mo na ang tawag at may papalapit sa iyong hindi nananalig sa ating adhikain. Maraming salamat."

Nang naputol na ang tawag ay tumayo ako sa aking kinauupuan at lumapit ako sa bintana.

Inamoy ko ang matamis na samyong dala ng ihip ng hangin ...

Sa pusikit ng karimlan na ito ay dumating na ang aking pinakahihintay ng kaytagal ...

... sa wakas ....

... simula na ng katapusan ...

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... itutuloy ...

Sa Susunod na kabanata: Ano ang nangyari sa ating mga magagandang mandirigma sa loob ng kanilang kakaibang dalubhasaan? Magkakaroon na ba sila ng kapangyarihan? Sino ang magkakaroong ng love life dahil sa training na 'to? Ang mga ito at mas marami pang chismis sa ating susunod na: SHANARA-LA-RA (clap-clap-clap)!!!

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JHEZPER SAYS: I'm going to San Francisco for a 2-week seminar (for real) so I MIGHT not be able to update this 'til I get back to San Diego. Keep on checkin' though 'coz I MIGHT be able to squeeze in some time to write more crap to lighten our uber boring daily routines! BTW, I've added some other "STUFF" in the previous chapters and did some corrections regarding syntax as well. If you've got the time to read those BS again, please do so 'coz lots of the "major plot twists" that would come up depend on those "STUFF" I've just added. Kudos to Badingerzie & the "real" KIRK Ronsobee for telling me what they honestly think about this whole crap-o-la. To efren: keep mailin me the latest gossips in "Mabayuhan" so that I'de have more things to write about. 'Til SHAIDER turns straight and finally gets jiggy with ANNIE ... make our PULIS PANGKALAWAKAN na fabulous SHANRA WARRIORS! CASTRO STREET HERE I CUM!!!!!