Kabanata 10 - Ang Hungkag na Tagubilin ng Reyna

LAKBAY: Come in. The door's open.

Unti-unting bumukas ang pintuan tungo sa pampangasiwang silid ni LAKBAY. Ang unang tumambad mula sa nakaawang na lagusan ay si KAAGAPAY, kabuntot ang mga Maaalindog na Mandirigma ng Shanara.

Matapos paupuin ni KAAGAPAY ang lima ...

LAKBAY: Magandang hapon sa inyong lahat. Before anything else, congratulations for passing your personal ang group combat tests this morning. Very few people get a 100% from KAAGAPAY.

Nagtinginan sina LAKBAY at KAAGAPAY at nagpalitan ng mga makahulugang ngiti.

LAKBAY: You all know ...

KAYCEE: Yes mother! Nandito kami for our mission briefing!

LAKBAY: I wasn't finished speaking. The next time you cut me off, I'll personally see to it that all your appendages be cut-off and I'll leave you bleeding to death in the middle of Luneta. Is that clear?

Yumuko lamang si KAYCEE at may ibinulong na hindi gaanong naulinigan ng kanyang mga kaibigan.

[LAKBAY kay KAYCEE]: I would like to remind you that I can read your thoughts. The next time you think of me as a "BITCH", I'll have my agents throw your fat ass straight to your solar system's sun. Malinaw?

Tumango nalang si KAYCEE at tumingin sa malayo.

LAKBAY: As I was saying, you are all here for your mission briefing. Shall we start?

Lumapit sa kanila si KAAGAPAY at binigyan silang lahat ng tig-iisang kulay pink na "Compact" na karaniwang ginamagit na lalagyan ng foundation o dili kaya ay pressed powder.

KAYCEE: Wow! How sosi naman your give-away! Mother may ibang brand ba? 'Coz my skin is sensitive eh! This brand isn't hypo-allergenic tapos hindi pa s'ya non-collagenic. I'll get pimplets with this. Hindi ko pa s'ya ka-shade I swear!

Napabuntong-hininga nalamang si LAKBAY.

LAKBAY: Try opening them up.

KAYCEE: EEEWWWWW. So kadiri naman this applicator! Parang used na s'ya! WHAT'S THIS?! There's a keyboard under my applicator!

LAKBAY: Those compacts are nano-computers. One of its myriad use is to serve as your communcation device. KAAGAPAY shall give you the Operating Manual, Spare Parts List and Warranty Certificate later. Now press the green button.

Sabay-sabay tinipa ng mga MMS ang kulay berdeng tipahan sa palapindutan, maliban kay ART, na hindi alam kung alin sa mga tipahan ang kulay berde.

Kasalukuyang sinisipat ni KAYCEE kung mayroong dumi sa kanyang braces sa pamamagitan ng salamin sa luob ng compact nang bigla niya itong binitiwan. Nagulantang si KAYCEE nang naglaho ang kanyang ngipin sa salamin at napalitan ng larawan ng isang lunan.

ART: Ano nangyayari, ba't binitawan ni KAYCEE yung compact n'ya? Is there something I couldn't see with my X-ray vision?

LAKBAY: KIRK dear, I'll teach you something. Try letting ART see what you see by projecting your thoughts to him. You will be his eyes.

Habang nakatingin sa salamin ng kanyan compact ay pinaubayaan ni KIRK na maglakbay ang kanyang diwa tungo kay ART.

ART: I can see it now. Ang galing. But LAKBAY, I can't understand it. Ibig n'yo po bang sabihin ito ang mission namin?

LAKBAY: Yes.

KAYCEE: HUWAAAAATT?!

---

LAKBAY: May gusto ba kayong itanong sa'min ni KAAGAPAY bago matapos ang briefing natin?

ART: Bakit po parang cold sa'men yung ibang mga kasama namin dito sa school? Napapansin ko lang po na parang takot sila makipagkaibigan sa'min.

LAKBAY: I think JESSIE already knows the answer. Tell them ...

JESSIE: Ako po?

LAKBAY: Yes, you were thinking of the actual reason why the other trainees and teachers are quite aloof with your group. I've read what you were thinking.

JESSIE: Dahil po sa mga HIYAS namin?

MELCH: So naiinggit sila na dalawa ang binigay sa'ten? Mga bakla talaga kung hindi ilusyunada, inggetera!

JESSIE: Hindi yung number ang kinaiinggit nila. Binigay kasi sa'ten ang dalawa sa mga considered na extremely rare sets ng HIYAS.

MELCH: Huh? Hindi ko ma gets.

LAKBAY: MELCH, if you could still remember your class with ALL SEASONS, why were the Chupetans chasing the S/S Grand Mother Ship accross the multiverse?

MELCH: Kasi po gusto nila kunin from your grandmother the .... oh no! ... you've given us ...

LAKBAY: Yes, ang mga ELEMENTONG HIYAS. Our race has already sacrificed so much just to protect the gems you all have inside of you right now.

Lumapit si KAAGAPAY sa kanilang reyna at pinunasan ng tissue ang luhang tumulo mula sa namumugtong mata ng kanilang pinuno.

MELCH: Pero ang sabi po samin ni Ms. Vilma during our class, 7 daw yung ELEMTONG HIYAS NG SHANARA da vah?

LAKBAY: I guess it's time you all know why your friend AYIE was killed by the Chupetans. They found out he was the keeper of the most important gem in the ELEMENTAL set ... ang HIYAS NG PANAHON.

MELCH: Naguguluhan ako. Kasi da vah apat lang ang elements?

JESSIE: Apat ang elements according to "our" tradition ... earth, fire, air, water; sa chinese wood ang pang lima, sa western neo-occult ang plasma or electricity ang 5th element. Pero sa Shanara, they consider electricity as the 5th, TIME as the 6th, and SPIRIT the 7th. Kung nasa Chupetans na po ang HIYAS NG PANAHON, nakanino po ang HIYAS NG KALULUWA?

LAKBAY: Stop trying to scan my mind KAYCEE! Chismosa ka! Invade my thoughts again and I'll castrate you using a spoon.

KAYCEE: Oppsss. Sorry po. Excited lang kasi me malaman what you're going to make sabe.

LAKBAY: I'm afraid I can't tell you who the keeper of the SPIRIT GEM is. Ang importante, you now know that you have 5 of the gems that the Chupetans are after.

ART: Pero ba't po sa'min n'yo binagay yung mga ELEMENTONG HIYAS? Ba't hindi n'yo nalang po ipinatago sa mga may experience na? Like the QUANTUM GIRLZZ?

LAKBAY: JESSIE, tell your friends what the answer is ...

JESSIE: Ang hiyas ang pumipili kung sino ang pagsisilbihan n'ya, not the other way around. Pero hindi po ba malalagay sa panganib ang mga family namin?

LAKBAY: I'm sorry to say this ... but to some extent ... yes.

MELCH: Ano naman connect ng family naten dito?

JESSIE: Hindi n'yo ba naaalala yung isa sa mga sinabi satin na old-age tradition between the Shanarians and Chupetans regarding power gems during our history lessons?

LAKBAY: What your friend is referring to is the fact that since the ELEMENTAL GEMS are part of your beings right now, nobody can take them from you unless you freely give them or if you are formally challenged for it.

MELCH: E'di mega decline nalang kami or something sa extra challenge nila da vah? Since hindi naman nila kame pwede patayin dahil lalong hindi nila makukuha sa'men yung mga hiyas at never naman namin ibibigay sa kanila kahit na i-offer pa nila sa'men si Dennis Trillo as a sex slave noh.

JESSIE: You don't understand, pwede nilang gamiting ang pamilya natin to use as "bargaining chips" para mapapayag tayo for a challenge para makuha ang hiyas kung hindi man natin ibigay sa kanila to save our families.

LAKBAY: We already have a solution for that. Everybody in the complex will be administered with the GREEN DAYAN PILL during tonight's Rave Party.

[KIRK]: Sorry po for interrupting, pero diba po BLUE and PINK lang ang meron? Para sa'n po yung GREEN?

LAKBAY: It's used to modify a person's memory. We shall make everybody forget your true identities. We will be mixing the GREEN PILLS with the food so refrain from eating anything during the event. A certain music will be played during the party which will do the whole "cerebral pattern re-marking process". The GREEN PILLS contain a special chemical compound which makes a person's brain open for re-marking. The harmonic patterns from the specific track will ... let's say ... re-program their brains. When you hear MADONNA's song "LA ISLA BONITA", don't make any noise because it may interrupt the whole re-marking process. Am I making myself clear?

MELCH: So ayun po ang ginamit n'yo sa'men para makalimutan namin yung ...

LAKBAY: I think this ends our session. And JESSIE, as to the question you've been trying to ask me through telepathy, he just went on a vacation. Don't be too paranoid about it. He'll be back in a couple of weeks. You may all leave now.

---

Tahimik na naglakad patungo sa cafeteria ang mga MMS sapagkat abala silang lahat sa pagtitika ukol sa mga tagubiling ibinigay sa kanila ng kanilang reyna.

MIKAL: Hey guys! I've been waiting for you! So, did you ask LAKBAY if I can transfer to your group?

ART: I'm sorry. We totaly forgot about it. Let's just try to ask her later - during the party.

MIKAL: Bummer! Anyways, why do you guys look like you've been left out in an orgy?

MELCH: It's none of your concern. Where has your group been assigned?

MIKAL: LAKBAY told us we're going to be sent to Mars to guard something there. I dunno, I'm still going to try to beg her not to. My group sucks big time. And ... ummm ...

Napatahimik bigla si MIKAL na mukhang nagaatubiling sabihin ang kanyang nais.

MELCH: Are you going to say anything else? KAYCEE's going to faint from hunger here.

KAYCEE: I heard you! 'Nyeta ka!

MELCH: Oo nga pala! Nakakarinig ka na ng slight. Joke lang marse!

Tatawa pa lamang si MELCH nang biglang nagsalitang muli si MIKAL na mas malakas at mas matulin sa karaniwan niyang pamamaraan ng pakikipagtalakayan.

MIKAL: I was just wondering if all of you will go to the party later and if JESSIE could go with me ... ummmm .. as my date.

MELCH: Ay ay ay! Gawin talagang "prom" itu?! Nakakaloka 'tong dalawang 'to ha! HOY JESSIE DATE DAW KAYO!

Hindi sumagot si JESSIE at nanatili itong nakatanaw sa malayo.

KAYCEE: Earth to JESSIE are you there? I'm so kinikilig naman!

Simula nang lumabas sila sa pampangasiwaang silid ni LAKBAY ay napansin ng kanyang mga kasamahan na malalim ang iniisip ni JESSIE. Sa karaniwan ay hindi nila ginugulo ang pagninilay ng kanilang kaibigan ngunit ang kagustuhang nilang malaman kung papayag si JESSIE na lumabas kasama si MIKAL ay mas matimbang sa pagkakataong magalit ito sa kanila. Agad na naputol ang malayong tingin ng kanilang kaibigan.

JESSIE: Napatay yata natin s'ya.

MIKAL: Huh? What did JESSIE just say? Was that a yes?

[KIRK kay MIKAL]: He's talking about something else. Just shut-up if you wan't JESSIE to go with you later. I'll try to convince him to join us. I'm going to translate everything to you while everybody else is talking. They won't know I'm doing it anyways. Just don't be too obvious. OK? JESSIE might get mad at me.

MIKAL: Grazzie mille .

MELCH kay MIKAL: Who the hell are you talking to?

MIKAL kay MELCH: Nobody.

ART: JESSIE, ano yung sinasabi mong may pinatay tayo? Naprapraning ka nanaman.

JESSIE: Naaalala n'yo yung sinabi ni LAKBAY na paranoid ako?

MELCH: Lagi ka namang paranoid bakla! Kinakabog mo mga adik sa Blumentrit at Tondo. Ano ba kasi yung tinatanong mo sa kanya through telepathy na ayaw mo iparinig sa'men?

JESSIE: Hindi n'yo ba napansin na simula nung may sumabog, may isang tao na hindi natin nakita ulit? Ayun yung tinatanong ko sa kanya. Kung na'san na yung taong 'yun. Before nung sabog lagi s'yang present kahit sa'n tayo pumunta. Parang lagi s'yang nakabuntot satin. After that, nawala na s'ya na parang bula. Baka we did something bad to him tapos ayun ang binura nila sa memory natin.

MELCH: Huh? Sino?

JESSIE: ... si BANTAY ... nawawala si BANTAY!

KAYCEE: HUWAAAAATT?!

... itutuloy ...

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SA SUSUNOD NA KABANATA: Sino kaya ang mananalong best in long gown sa party? Makiki-date kaya si JESSIE kay MIKAL? Ilan kaya ang pack ng pickeled pepper ang nakuha ni Peter Pipper? At how much wood could a wood-chuck really chop if a wood-chuck would actually chop wood? At finally, sino 'tong "she" who sells seashells by the seashore??? Kalokah no? Sorry kung ang gulo ko ... excited lang dahil nakabili na ako ng grass skirt! I'm going to HAWAII for a month! Wahooo! Joint nalang ng joint! Hanggang sa susunod na SHANARA-LA-RA! (clap-clap-clap) ALOHA!!!